We went to Estonia for the Stag weekend and I must say it is a very nice place. I get the feeling that it is becoming a popular venue for stag weekends due to the amount of lads on the plane some of which were dressed as women, most entertaining.
We arrived there on Thursday night and where met by a girl called “Kulli” which we were told is pronounced “Gooley”. Well you can guess what happened next.
GING, GANG, GOOLEY
Ging, gang, gooley, gooley, gooley, gooley, watcha,
Ging gang Goo, ging gang Goo
Ging, gang, gooley, gooley, gooley, gooley, watcha,
Ging gang goo, ging gang goo,
Hayla, Hayla shayla, Hayla shayla, Hayla ho. Hayla,
Hayla shayla, Hayla shayla, Hayla ho.
Shalli, walli, shalli, walli, shalli, walli, shalli, walli,
Ump pah, etc.
It wasn’t me that started it, it was the groom to be. We very nearly never got out at all on the first night due to a bit of an escapade in the lift. Seven lads in a small lift is not a pretty site. Anyway we pressed the button for floor 14 and went straight to floor 20 and back to the bottom. We all asked Rob if he was playing silly buggers and he assured us he wasn’t. Off we went again. Floor 14 came and went up to 20 then back down. We were all convinced that Rob was messing around. On the third attempt everyone but Rob and I got out of the lift at 18 and they walked down. We went back down to the bottom and got out of the lift and we told one of the porters it was not working. He smiled knowingly and asked for my room key which he then used to activate the lift. We were not embarrassed at all.
Anyway we went out and ended up in some sports bar or at least this is how we referred to it because it seemed to have some sport on television. We stayed there until rather late then made our way back to the Sokos hotel “which is a very nice hotel”. We were of course completely sobre, not!
Day 1 Paint ball
The next day came around much too fast for my liking and we were wisked away in a minibus feeling a bit hungover. The next thing we know we are in some woods near Estonia for paintball. We were met by a tall bloke called Vakuur, or something like. He gave us a quick lesson in paintball then divided us into teams.
I didn’t do too badly at the paintball except getting repeatedly shot in the leg by Rob which made me bleed like hell. I gave as good as I got though and managed to get the flag once. My second attempt at getting the flag was going swimmingly until I bent down to pick it up. I was shot in the ass by Colin, the little fscker had been hiding behind a wall and let off two rounds into my scratcher. That hurt like hell and I could hardly walk out of the bloody building. Then on proceeding out of the building Tosey, who had managed to ensconce himself behind a tree “For tosey this is no mean feat”. The bloody bastard shot me in the back of the head, admittedly I was letting a few rounds go into the building when I was meant to be dead but hey, my ass hurt. I turned on Tosey who then proceeded to scramble half way up the hill before going arse over tit and I managed to get my own back on him. I can safely say that I was glad when the paintball was over and I think everyone else was because we were all a bit sore.
Back to the hotel two hours kip then burgers then sports bar then drunk.
Day 2 Go Carting
We were all feeling very bad. We arrived at the race track on time and were given some instructions as to what was going to happen. I managed to convince the bloke that I was to get the fastest go-cart in the whole place. This did me absolutely no good because I won the booby prize which is a go-cart tyre with a little silver plate on it. I have no idea what the silver plate reads but I doubt its anything particularly flattering. Colin weighing in at 3 stone won every race.
It was bloody hard work racing those go-carts and I have bruises in my inner thigh which I was using to grip the steering wheel. I know it sounds daft but I am nearly 2 metres tall and the go-carts were not very big.
Back to the hotel 2 hours kip then burger then sports bar then drunk
Day 3 Home
Thank god. I don’t think I could have handled another night out there. I felt fine until I got home and then I was as sick as a dog, sweating like hell but freezing my ass off “which hurt like hell from paintball (see above)” . Jenny noticed that the bed was soaked through when she got in from work. I am pretty sure that I managed to get some sort of bug when I was out there because I have been on bigger benders than that and not blinked an eye except for being tired. I also found out that another of the party had the same problem so I can rest easy, at least its not my age. I was as sick as shit for 2 days sitting on a towel in the living room to avoid getting the seats wet from sweat.
